Harvest Moon

Hello again. 

I love autumn and am feeling a renewed excitement for the future!  It is September 2013 and  the sun has been crisp and clear and the flowers are bright with oranges and yellow hues.  The shadows are growing longer.  I contemplate my new home, expanded family and the adventures ahead. 

Once we move next spring, I plan to put a bigger emphasis on the Isis Art Studio which, for now, looks like it will connect to the main door. Our new house is part of my husband’s architectural business. The business is upstairs, and living quarters are down below. I am hoping this will seduce students and customers verses being pushed aside by an already successful business.  My emotions are all over the map.  I fear that I will evaporate and I fear also that I will be so exposed.  (I have expressed how much I need solitude.) But there is hope in my heart circling around the drama of life. I envision space for my grandchildren and for my fur kids. (I love animals…ah another blog!)

 Nature has been sweet this week. I have arrived home with a flock of wild turkey on my front lawn. My two cats had huge eyes and wagging tails in our window, staring at them frolicking around like they were quite pleased. They are practically tame...they don't even run away as I walk up the steps to the front door. I came home to a momma doe with twin fawn bambi's. That was beautiful. I was driving my son’s car and it was a bit loud driving up my drive way with the sound of my large Anatolian/great Pyrenees polar bear dog ‘s deep bark,...so they were scared and ran away. But nothing compares to the harvest moon. The nights have been magical, cool air clears my mind, the moon is brilliant, white and high up in the starlight sky, she, the moon, seemed jewel like, almost spiraling and I understood how ancient humans worshiped the magnificence, and even thought the moon was a god. The harvest moon is pulsing, clear and special.  I feel hope and renewed strength.  My painting has a corner that needs to be tweaked.  I usually am a prolific artist but the last two seem arduous.  Maybe I just need to learn the lesson of patience.  Maybe I am too distracted.  Maybe I analogize too much. J night...Tonight after celebrating sweet brians 7th birthday I saw a brilliant almost full white moon up in the starlit sky and then when I got to my home in guilderland, the sky was even more crisp and clear and the moon seemed jewel -like, almost spiraling, and I understood how human in the ancient past worshiped this magnificance. The radiance was pulsing, clear, special. Happy birthday Brian Warncke. you are a star. (((****))))night...Tonight after celebrating sweet brians 7th birthday I saw a brilliant almost full white moon up in the starlit sky and then when I got to my home in guilderland, the sky was even more crisp and clear and the moon seemed jewel -like, almost spiraling, and I understood how human in the ancient past worshiped this magnificance. The radiance was pulsing, clear, special.

 

Wow.... oh... wow

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Recap of Summer 2013 & Art

Hello friends!

 

It has been quite the summer of 2013.

There are many wonderful changes, and Life is wonderful and Life is loud.  I look forward to the cooler weather.  Our last born son is continuing on his education to become an architect, like his father! Our second son has advanced to an much better employment schedual.  His wife and son are thriving and blooming.  They are launching a photoart small buisness on the side of his main job.  My grandson turned one in May and is an incredible sparkle of love.  My eldest son is getting married!!  He met a beautiful woman and they will be joined in matromony in February with their two children, our grandaughter who also turned one in August and our soon-to-be grandson who just turned seven. So exciting!

 

I am learning to try to stay in my being, when I drift away I feel lost. I am inching my way with my fiddle head painting.  I am in an artist block for the first time in my life.  Is this labor? Hmmm. Recently, I have been to Italy which I have spoken about and I have been to Canada on a family reunion cruise.  I have 7 siblings, and everyone was there and their significant others as well, totally the people tally to twenty-two.  This number follows me.  That is another blog though! I sought out peace on the 12^th deck in the back.  There was a lot of music and a continuous party atmospere.  I guess you can describe me as perhaps a loner? An artist type? It was good to see my brothers and sisters and others.  I love them dearly. 

 

During this summer, my husband and I went to several art museums including the Fenamore Art Gallery in Cooperstown, New York. We also visited the Albany Institute of Art and History on several occations.  With the Fenamore Art Gallery in Cooperstown, I embraced the solitude and quite.  I never realized until this experience how much I craved looking at beautiful art work and being still.  The sun was bright and my husband and I went to a natural food resturant afterwards.  I weave the days with much energies towards my family.  We will be moving, first time in 16 years and it is huge.  Ah another log about this!  I bid adieu for now. 

 

I am including a quote by CS Lewis below that I embrace with my family and my own children and grandchildren.  Enjoy this profound C. S. Lewis quote that I agree with completely.

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in ...the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God’s will than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness…We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as a way in which they should break, so be it."

~ C.S. Lewis

 

Mind games and guardian angels

6/4/2013

Mind games and guardian angels

I had another restless night sleep. My children are in my head and heart and it awakens me. I found myself praying to my angels. I feel heavy even though the air is clean and humity low. Interspersed throughout a long day of my mind games and internal self loathing chatter, I thought about my gardian angel. I was brought up strict traditional Catholic. I didn’t really ‘meet ‘ God until I left the church, then came back. To me God is as real as my eyes are blue. As an artist I see the world in vivid color. I also feel the world with intense sensation. Something that isn’t always pleasant because life is cruel sometimes. I do feel my spiritual guardians but more often I feel like I am going through this strange life a lone…. Oh those mind games. I keep promises, keep my ‘word’ as it is said. I promised I would stick to a running plan. I promised to run another ½ marathon with a couple of my loved ones this Autumn. But all day long my brain put off the long 5 miles I had to do today. I busied myself with odds and ends of things. Procrastnated. Since I didn’t sleep well the last couple of nights, I slept in. I finally went out, doing my 5.11 miles walking most of it. Why am I so hard on myself? Let it go, embrace this world. It. goes by so fast.

"Two Saints have an Isis Art experience"

A few days ago my husband invited two priests from a retreat house that he goes to every year. One lived in New Jersey and another lived in Massachusetts. The one who lived in NJ visits the Abbey during retreats.

I was nervous. I am a 'leaving for 15 years, back to church Catholic'. I have strong spiritual beliefs but I also was traumatized growing up by the hypocrisy and the control issues. So I left. Then I had children. I realized people everywhere have issues and do things. So I filter and I tried to show my now 3 grown sons about God and compassion and forgiveness. So I forgave. My childhood experiences did chang me and I carry somethings in my heart today. That being said, I cleaned and cleaned, like Jesus was coming! They wanted to see my husband's architectural design work on the house and wanted to see my paintings! I was 'the wife.'

The first thing they did was hug me tightly and warmly. One Father was older, from Germany, very smart. He took the other younger Vietnamese priest under his wing. Both had broken English but we all had universal love and faith.  They were warm and kind and had beautiful light coming from them. I thought they were saints.

I knew the hostess role well, serving homemade bread and coffee and tea. But what happened still baffles and intrigues me. They were actually awed by my paintings. I was awed that they were awed. The younger priest kept taking photographs of all my work.

They asked about the pieces, the work, the story. And I told and shared. Usually the work hangs invisible due to familiarity. They saw the ...the 15 "Way of the Cross" series which are shown and on sale (prints) on my website. Their mouths were gaping. I knew I need to get out to the world more. I have been in a recoil with my art.

I thought that the priests' visit would be stiff and they were anything but. I thought things would be about my husbands business and my husbands architectural work but instead the two soulful men spent hours absorbing the body of work as if they were in a museum. We had some really good laughs and we went out for sushi. The one older Father said over and over, "This was an experience. I will never forget this." The cherry on top was they both Loved my certified dog Yafah whom I share a deep bond with. Try to visualize two priests on the floor with a big 120 pound Anatolian/ Great Pyranes dog.  They both left with white fur all over them. I was apologetic but they didn't care.

It was as if God sent two saints to give me encouragement. I felt, through these 'two saints' like I was acknowledged.

Gratitude

Gratitude

I am back from Italy ; I am home.  It is May and spring has burst forth.  I am busy tilling the soils in many ways.  Literally, in my gardens but also tending to my family.  There has been weeks between blogs. I wrote about my Italy trip.  Through each impression I sensed something higher than me.  Recently, I have had a lot of thought going into what gratitude is and if I have enough gratitude towards the enormous treasures I am surrounded with. 

On a recent “got to do  this and that” errand drive I noticed something that pulled at me, astounded me really.  I was on the way to pick up my granddaughter.  One of God’s creatures, a frail tiny  cat was on the side of the road, barely moving.  She was in a bus lot on a dirty and dusty street.  Without giving it a thought I stopped my car and assessed the situation.  I thought the little fur bundle was a kitten at first because she was so small.  She came right up to my feet and cried a pathetic soundless weak meow.  I swooped her up.  It was like she was hollow with air.  She barely weighted anything thing.  Her bones protruded from her hips and rump and ribs.  She had a wound on her face.  I held her and I let her nuzzle.  She was grateful.  She actually purred.

I visited with my baby granddaughter a bit after I put this sad creature into my car. With windows open a little the cat hung out on my dash board.  I thought about this small fur creature.   First thought was that I had to help her.  Then when she was in the car and I was on my way back, I had my left brain…logical brain side dominate. And I brought flea drops and good food and water.  She gobbled up everything fiercely.  She was still in the car.  I was on my way back home to place lost and found ads and  get this kitty checked out and then, as I was driving she climbed into my lap.  I knew she was in bad shape. 

Suddenly I was overwhelmed with sorrow and… even anger.  How can people treat God’s creatures like this?  I felt nauseous. It was the weekend.  I placed the advertisement in lost and found.  I fed her a lot.  I named her Madeline Joy.  I washed her and took care of her wounds.  That Monday I brought her to my veterinarian where the vet  scanned Madeline Joy for a ID chip .  Nothing.  The vet gave Madeline a shot of antibiotic and had blood taken and was weighed.  She was emancipated and only weight 4.5 pound.  The vet said she was about 13 and barely had any teeth left.  She did not have Feline leukemia but she did have hypothyroidism.  As well, she was riddled with bb gun wounds.  They were old and enmeshed already permanently under her skin.  Abusing such a creature.  I cried.    The wound on her face oozed.  I put homeopathic ointment on it. 

Madeline Joy was an example of gratitude even thought she was emancipated from neglect and abused in God knows so many other ways.  My son’s fiancé’s 6 year old son came with me to vet.  He had never been to a veterinarian’s office before.  I said it is like a doctor’s office for animals (he had a healthy cat at home). I found myself talking about gratitude to this smart little boy.  Being thrown away was a foreign concept to him.  As I cared for my grandson to be, I kept talking about gratitude and told him about the homeless in people in Italy that live in the streets.  It was a lesson.  This little dying cat taught a lesson about gratitude and I was able to express to my grandson-to-                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            be about this.  I remember feeling tired when I was on the trip to Italy. And tired because

 I walked so much and the noise and not sleeping …because of the noise. I remember the small tight web, selfish inside, I was inside of the self.  Some people do not have even these basic human needs of food, cleanliness, sleep. I complained about the tiny shower.  I suddenly feel so ashamed of that as I held this little kitty. This little kitty reminded me of the abundance of all, reminded me I had choices.  Little old Madeline Joy kitty reminded me to embrace life and our daily comforts.  Little Madeline Joy is in rainbow bridge pouncing happily under green grasses freely now, feeling love and eating to her hearts content.

Thank you Madeline.

Italy

Italy

April 12-April 24

This was more of a journey than a wedding anniversary trip for me. My husband and I went on a trip to Italy to celebrate our 24^thanniversary.  It was life changing experience.  Although, here in NY where I live, I wear many ‘hats’ so to speak, I felt I was completely pulled out from my identities.  I sensed something higher, grander and mysterious.  Even the travel took me out of my realm as the time shifted 6 hours after transporting us for hours in air.  I experienced about a month's worth of site seeing in a mere week and a half.  I will touch base on the events but want to express that it was the people behind these buildings and sites that were transforming to me.   

It was the spirits and the ghosts in the walls of the buildings too that spoke to my heart in the rushed, swirling days and nights.  The first few days were a bit blurry from lack of sleep, but we visited the Vatican.  After arriving to our hotel in Rome we walked through the cobble stone streets of Rome Italy.   It felt surreal.  We saw the piazza novena and saw many churches.  On Sunday we went to an ornate cathedral, the first Jesuit church….where, although they said the mass in Italian, I felt universally connected.   

Later in between absorbing the mores and heights of parts of the city, we went to the Trevi fountain and Spanish steps.  It was so much in one day. We woke up early and met the world of cars and historical sculptures, we walked and looked…..All along people wanted us to buy things from them.  Toys, flowers, tickets.  My husband and I talked about what if they have families and this is the only way to support themselves.   We continued onto the Borj park.  We walked about seven miles that second day.  I was quite tired, over whelmed and in awe.   We walked to the pieta Campanili.  We walked to the coliseum and we sketched many buildings and trees.  The Vatican and the museum at the Sistine Chapel was  life changing. 

I didn’t hear but rather felt the people, the history whispering their stories.  We went to see the Papal audience with Pope Francis and was almost in touching distance.  He picked up a child, a smiling boy who reminded me of my grandson.  This mass was warm, intelligent, holy.  I felt hope.  

 We went to Florence and saw the David.  Amazing.  The detail was staggering.  As an artist I observed this famous piece of art from an esthetic point of view and also from a technical point of view. We went to an all-day painting class in which a professor --that studied in an acclaimed Florence Academy of Arts—taught us traditional techniques in still life and portraiture.   

After arriving back to Rome briefly we traveled to Assisi and Orvieto. These two places were one of the most favorite places I have been too.  It was quaint and warm and lovely. In St Francis chapel there was a center section that had a mesh around various sundry items like baby pacifiers, shoes and the like.  It was a shrine of people that have passed.  Spontaneously,  I took my mother’s scarf off which I had been wearing around my neck and pushed it through the mesh.  I felt so happy and I felt a part of my departed mother’s spirit was with St. Francis.  I felt radiant peace. It was all so mystical and I felt love throughout all the incredible impressions. This quote came to my mind from the book: “The Inner Eye of Love” that William Johnston wrote when he was talking about love and mysticism which was the pulse and heart beat during in my Journey to Italy: ”Mysticism is a question of love, a love which arises in the heart in answer to a call, a love which leads through the darkness of the cloud of unknowing to the great mystery which is light in itself but darkness to us. Saint Teresa of Avila speaks of occasions in which the inspiration to pray for another rose spontaneously and unexpectedly in her heart. “  It was bittersweet coming back home.  I missed my children, grandchildren, friends and pets.  I missed my form I was use to.  The memory is in my cells now.  The hunger for more in the depth of my soul.

Artist Log March 7

3/7/2013 

Today I am productive and flowing but then am slapped by flattened fatigue.  I am obsessed with ferns.  I study them.  There are so many.  The steerage fern. The California Fern.  The asparagus Fern. 

“But what if man had eyes to see the true beautiful ~the divine beauty, I mean, pure and clear and unalloyed, not clogged with the pollutions of mortality and all the colors and vanities of human life.” ~~~Plato